i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
