It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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