Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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