Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
