At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
