Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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