Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
