You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
