So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
