i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
