Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
