yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
