the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
