Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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