It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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