listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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