My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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