we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
