He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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