I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
