If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize