He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
