My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
