I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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