the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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