I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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