just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
