if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
