Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
