I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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