Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
