Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
50% drunk capacity currently
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
