Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
3 2 1 whiskey
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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