can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
