ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
