Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
