I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
