I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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