god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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