Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
