i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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