the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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