handjob tips. give me some.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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