your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
