I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
everyone is single if you try hard enough
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
