I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
