I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
