I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
