Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
