if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize