Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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