walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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