Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just found puke in my bra..
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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