Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize