Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
