Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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