those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
