We're facebook friends in real life
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
