Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
