party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
