yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
