Rock
Scissors
Fuck
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
