yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Boobs are out for the taking
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
