I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
