I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
