You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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