i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
