theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Randomize
