I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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