can we get nightvision for the apartment?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
