Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
