you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
