i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
