I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
