Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
